honesty

maybe
today is one of those days
and I shrink into myself
the cold helps to withdraw
me and my head
me in my head
it's bad

I keep thinking not to think
just to keep it in

yeah I'm building walls again
brick by brick
slamming them into place
time to hide my face
it hurts less this way

let me run
I want to turn my back and flee
but He's got a firm grip on me
and He refuses to let go
'no', says He
'lady, I've called you to Me',
but in all honesty
I don't know

also
I don't want Him to let go
this hurts so much though
this growth
as I'm being pulled apart
rebuild,
old hidden hurts being stilled

so enmeshed with my sin
that this situation I'm in
feels like destruction
instead of redemption
and it seems easier
to just let go and flee

luckily
He's got a firm grip
on me

Sometimes its easier to run than stay and embrace growth.  It's a comfort vs conflict zone thing.  Having lived through a few conflict zone situations I realize that its better to leave the comfort zone, doesn't make it any easier though.